Ignorance may be bliss, but stupidity is forever. -- Trevor, 09.
Joined on 10/25/06
intriguing, looking forward to more.
You did actually read it, right and you're not just being stupid and posting something that looks relevant but is really a horribly disguised "TL;DR"?
That was very good SC. Not bad at all my friend. First I want to know where the hell that Sapphire came from, and secondly I want to say good job on scoring with Alexis ;)
Keep up the good work my friend. You're doing well :)
Oh you'll find out soon enough as to where the Sapphire came from, you'll find out soon enough. ;)
I'm sorry if this may offend. But, I just briefly skimmed through a few paragraphs and thought it was incredibly descriptive. I just don't like to start reading a story in the middle of something.
I'll read it all from the beginning, once I find it that is.
Well, you seem like an ok guy, I'll give you the link in a PM to the first chapter. I'll also add you to my subscribers list. Thanks for reading.
I've just finished reading it. First thing I've got to say is, you've diffidently improved in your writing skills as the chapters went on. Second, In my own opinion, The main character just feels 'too' perfect. I mean, what? His; charismatic, charming with the ladies, athletic with a bulging six pack, an amazing strategist and comedian, where everyone seems to laugh, as to claim mental instability.
I'd probably say their universe is quite different, when it comes down to healthcare. If a long thin shard of sapphire had punctured your neck and had been absorbed into your bloodstream, I'd scream red alert, rushing the bloke to a hospital as quick as the wind. Instead, the nurse just says: "take two of these and go to bed, you'll be fine with a hunk of gem in your body, potentially ripping your blood vessels to oblivion."
His girlfriend just seems to be a down right, whore. She'd probably been bashed more times than a shipping dock, even though she mentioned she was a virgin.
Overall, it was a pretty fine read. I'm sorry if my views on your story were too harsh. But, it's just my opinion. I don't want you making a terrible hassle out of this, going out of your way to argue about what's good for your story.
Just have fun, I say. Looking forward for more too.
Well the sapphire is foreshadowing an ability that I will have to learn how to control. And trust me, Alexis is no whore at all. I do take offense at that. But I'll let it go for now. Just please watch what you say about her, ok? Anyway, thanks for the review. :D
A very interesting story. You have a knack for vivid detail, but you need to work on refining the style just a little bit. This particular chapter made for some very intense adult imagery, but the style was not as refined as it could have been. It's not an easy task to attempt to describe a sex scene with words - you're trying to juggle feelings, emotions and physical responses that are happening simoultaneously, and in a way everyone can relate to in their own mind. It didn't flow as smooth as I might like it, but that's just my opinion. Overall, I did like it, and I am looking forward to more. Scale of 1 (poor) to 10 (perfect) - this was a 9.
Now, do we find out in the next chapter that Alexis is actually an alien from an invading planet who collects human cocks as a hobby? And where's the mention of the time-space portals? Will there be a duel next chapter, or just more unbridled teen sex? (you'd best not be teasing your Auntie now!)
And, of course - we need more cowbells! (inside joke)
She's not an alien!!!!! >_< I know the Cowbell joke. I'm not gonna have anything to do with screwing around with the Time-Space continuum. I get enough of that from reading your fic and it damn near gives me a headache every time. Not sure about a duel in the next chapter or not, but have you read the other 9?
Thanks for the comment Byte. Also, seeing as how I'm 19, I think referring to you as Auntie would make you feel older than you really are. That's Lizz's thing. I'm really just going to call you Byte. Short, sweet, and to the point.
I'll go ahead and add you to my subscribers list. ^_^
Pretty good. I'm not too much on the flow, but you seem to have it going pretty well, just a bit awkwardly, I suppose. Also, this is hella long, lol.
(Updated 2009-11-25 13:42:10)
Try reading from here:
Thanks for the interest, I'll add your name to my subscribers list. ^_^